Patrick’s emotional reaction to a late-game penalty in Sunday’s loss to the Buffalo Bills. “I understand that none of us are perfect, and we all have things we wish we could take back like the time I recorded a TikTok dance while standing on the memorial logo of a deceased player. But I’ve never done something like complain to Josh Allen about a penalty call after the game. Or told the press that the penalty would negatively affect Travis Kelce’s hall-of-fame career. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m embarrassed by it all.”
Fans of Jackson were surprised at his statement but ultimately understood the internet personality’s need to distance himself from the immature display of his older brother.
“Guy’s got a career to think about,” said local mechanic Hal Scott, a 41-year-old Jackson Mahomes fan. “It might be best if he downplays his association with his brother for the time being and just let it die out. It’s getting bad, and if the Chiefs end up losing the division, there’s no telling what kind of outbursts Patrick’s gonna have. He’s going to probably write a strongly worded letter to the head of NFL referees or something, and then poor Jackson will never be able to escape that. I’d hate to see that, especially to someone as talented as Jackson.”
Jackson Mahomes’ manager defended the controversial decision in a press conference earlier today.
“Look, nobody wants to see that crybaby NFL [expletive] when they’re scrolling TikTok looking for funny dances or new takes on the motives behind September 11th,” said Jackson’s manager Colton Voss, whose other clients include Chewbacca Mom and That Cop That Went Flying Out Of That Slide In Boston. “If people keep associating Patrick and Jackson together, they might start thinking that Jackson is some spoiled, entitled, unlikable guy. Which is ridiculous, of course. But we’re severing all ties, just to be safe.”
As of press time, Jackson announced plans to stop rooting for the Chiefs entirely and start supporting a team with a less annoying fanbase, like the Cowboys or the Eagles.
End of the Bench will have more as soon as we blow off some steam appropriately.
